Monday, March 2, 2009

Snowstorm Disproves 'Global Warming'

ATLANTA- An unseasonable March snowstorm has blanketed much of the southeastern United States, proving once and for all that "global warming," is a myth propagated by the liberal elite, according to Mitchel Wilburn, of the conservative think tank, the American Truth Foundation. "These doomsayers claim the world is getting hotter," Wilburn explains, "but just today we got over four inches of snow in Georgia, and the Gulf of Mexico has frozen over, so clearly nothing is wrong."

In response to the Foundation's findings, former Vice-President Al Gore released a statement saying, "this is why we prefer the term 'global climate change,' because blah blah blah…" This reporter confesses to being too bored to listen closely.

Wilburn concedes that parts of the country indeed are experiencing warmer than normal temperatures, like Anchorage, AK, which was a balmy 74° today, or Bismark, ND, where temperatures have risen so high that it is impossible to step outdoors without spontaneously bursting into flames, but the conservative analyst maintains that these conditions are all within the realm of normal weather fluctuations.

"Also," Wilburn adds, "a lot of the supposed 'weather abnormalities' you hear about now don't even have anything to do with temperature." He cites the bizarre case of the Greater Salina Trailer Park in Kansas, which has not experienced a tornado in over a month, and the so-called "head-storm" in Tupelo, MS, where it has been raining severed human heads for the past three days. "Clearly this is just good old Mother Nature playing her usual tricks."

For an opposing viewpoint, we turned to Todd Sterns, the State Department's Special Envoy on Climate Change, however he was unavailable for comment, as he was away on a ski trip in Honolulu.

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