WASHINGTON, DC- A week and a half into Daylight Savings, Americans are still being too wasteful with their daylight, says a new study from the Department of Daylight Conservation. "Despite our best efforts, we are rapidly running out of daylight," says Department spokesperson, Milton Werkse. "Just look." Werkse points to the horizon, where even as he speaks, the sun appears to be slowly sinking, a clear sign, he says, of an imminent crisis.
Americans already are discovering that regardless of what clocks may say, there simply aren't as many hours in the day as their used to be. "Five years ago, I used to see my friends all the time," explains Maribel Stephens, a working mother in Fairfax, VA. "Today I tried to schedule lunch with my best friend, and the earliest date we could agree on was in June." Stephens rushes to start her day as the sun is rising, but feels like the sun sets before she even has a chance to sit down. "It's getting really bad," she says.
It may get even worse. Werkes points to foreign markets as a sign of what may be coming. Antarctic daylight is in virtual freefall, with experts predicting the continent will soon enter a period of total darkness which may last months.
Not everyone feels that perpetual darkness in on the horizon. Rebecca Marone of the Free Daylight Institute believes that estimates of our current daylight consumption are based on obsolete data. "Now that we no longer have a president determined to thrust us back into the Dark Ages," she says, "we may experience an actual daylight glut." She advises Americans to keep the sunscreen handy.
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