Other 2 Guys from U2 Make 'Ant-Man' Musical

Ever since U2 hit the charts over twenty years ago, frontman Bono, and guitarist The Edge have been household names. But the band also has two other members. They recently talked with the Inquisition about their upcoming Broadway musical about the widely disregarded Marvel superhero, Ant-Man.

INQ: So you guys are really in U2?

THE BLOND GUY: Yes.

INQ: That's so cool. Have you met Bono?

THAT OTHER GUY: Yes. We're in the band together.

INQ: That's awesome. Do you ever get to go on tour with him and The Edge?

THE BLOND GUY: We are half of U2. The band is the four of us.

INQ: I bet girls are really impressed that you know Bono.

THAT OTHER GUY: Or that we're in the band.

INQ: So you're making a rock musical about Ant-Man?

THE BLOND GUY: Yes. He's one of Marvel's greatest superheroes. He has the strength of an ant.

THAT OTHER GUY: He can carry a crumb clean across the room.

THE BLOND GUY: And he can talk to ants.

INQ: What do they say?

THE BLOND GUY: Well, not much really. They're just ants.

THAT OTHER GUY: So in the musical, all the world's supervillains have teamed up, and Ant-Man has to stop them.

INQ: From taking over the world?

THE BLOND GUY: From having a picnic. The director is a true visionary. Have you seen the Lion King?

INQ: Yes.

THE BLOND GUY: Well, he directed the show across the street from it.

INQ: So what else are you working on?

THAT OTHER GUY: We're working on something with Charlie Watts and Ronnie Wood.

INQ: Who?

THE BLOND GUY: The other two guys in the Rolling Stones.

INQ: So just one more question, can you introduce me to Bono?

THAT OTHER GUY: No.

Teabaggers Say Capt. America is Un-American, Also Free Speech

Teabaggers took offense this week when issue #602 of the comic book, Captain America appeared to depict the teabagging movement as "a bunch of angry white folks." To show their displeasure with such a biased portrayal, a bunch of angry white folks showed up outside Marvel Comics to protest.

"What is America coming to, when an artist can use his work to express a political opinion?" asks teabagger, Peter Cockwright. "That's a right that should be reserved for corporations."

Marvel has issued an apology. Capt. America's arch-nemesis, the Red Skull was unavailable for comment.

Terrorists Do Not Have Super Powers

Editorial by the Infamous Professor Fear
The Infamous Prof. Fear is a world renowned super-villain. He is also Dean of the Fear Academy for Super-Villains in Training.

I'm sick of hearing people suggest that it's "too dangerous" to put the 9/11 terrorists on trial in New York, as if somehow their very presence on US soil will cause a disaster. Now if, like my friend and colleague Dr. Plutonium, they had nuclear reactors in their stomachs, and their burps and farts were atomic blasts, I could see being afraid to bring them here (or to any country that serves fast food), but these are mere mortal mass murderers.

Likewise, I am vexed by the objections to moving Guantanamo detainees to supermax prisons. This week, Senate candidate, Mark Kirk claimed that if suspected terrorists are brought to Illinois' Thomson Correctional Center, "the Chicago metropolitan area will become ground zero for Jihadist terror plots."

Please, it's maximum security. If it's good enough for mobsters, and killers who chop people up and eat them, it's good enough for a wannabe shoe-bomber. Let me tell you from personal experience, even if you have a mind-control ray, an army of mutant henchmen, and have already replaced most of the guards with android lookalikes, it is very, very hard to break out of prison.

And really, what are the other options? Place them in suspended animation and launch them into space? Too expensive. Banish them to a parallel dimension? Yeah, people in parallel dimensions just love it when we send them our super-villains. Talk about a foreign relations nightmare!

What I find most surprising is the suggestion that it would be better to execute terrorists without trial. Rounding up people and killing them is not how America deals with it's enemies; it's how I deal with my enemies. The supposed leader of the free world can't just adopt the practices of a super-villain. There are union rules against it. Be warned, America; should you abandon your founding principles of due legal process, I will do nothing short of filing a complaint with the Super-Villains Guild, and not even Pres. Obama will be able to stop me. Muhahahaha!

Super-Villain Envies AIG Execs

Earlier this month we ran an exclusive interview with world re- nowned super- villain, the Infamous Professor Fear. Ten days before news broke of AIG's most recent round of bonuses, Prof. Fear was blogging about his criminal rivalry with AIG's super-villain executives. Click here to read his blog.

Bank Robs Customers at Gunpoint

Unwilling to wait for more federal bailout money, bankers at Nation Trust Bank locations across the country drew guns on their customers this week, and ordered them to empty their wallets. "I'd just reached the teller window," says Meredith Dixon, of Lafayette, Indiana, "when the manager came out with a gun and yelled 'This is a stick-up!'"

Along with the other customers, Dixon handed over her wallet, purse, and jewelry. "As if being robbed weren't enough," she complains, "they were very slow and surly about it, and they told me I'd be charged a fee for this service."

One victim who was particularly upset was the Infamous Professor Fear, who had come with his henchmen to rob the bank himself. "They took my wallet, my watch, and the various implements of destruction I'd brought with me," Fear laments. "I don't know what's happening to our society. I'm supposed to be the bad guy here."

After robbing their customers, the bankers fled the scene in a fleet of armored trucks, and set off on a Bonnie-and-Clyde-style string of attacks, targeting homes, small businesses, and anywhere American tax-payers are known to congregate. Police are advising citizens confronted by the bank-robbers to comply with their demands and just wait for things to get better.

Super-Villain Gives Dating Advice (video)

by Chris Pearson & Allan Piper

The Infamous Professor Fear is best known for his repeated attempts at world domination. Lately however, he has been working on a different sort of project. Instead of releasing a horde of robot monsters to take over the city, as he so often does, this week he released a new dating-guide.

Many consumers may be reluctant to trust Prof. Fear after trying his patented facial cream, which instantly melts away wrinkles (along with all other flesh), or his anti-gravity weight-loss pills, which do not result in the loss of any fat, but have caused thousands of obese people to weightlessly drift off into the atmosphere. However, the caped criminal claims this new book is absolutely not part of an insidious plot to conquer the world. Jennifer Houston has this report.

Super-Villain Gives Dating Advice - watch more funny videos

Joe Smith of IPR contributed to this story. Artwork by Christie Allan-Piper. Support this video at Funny or Die!