Monday, January 2, 2012

Latest GOP Front-Runner is You

DES MOINES- With one day before the Iowa caucuses, the latest candidate to edge ahead of Mitt Romney in the polls is you. Although you have only a little more governing experience than former front-runner Herman Cain, and nearly as tenuous a grasp on reality as former front-runner Michele Bachmann, the Republican base is excited by the fact that you are not a northeastern Mormon semi-billionaire named Mitt.

You are the latest in a string of front-runners that has included Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry, Chris Christie, Donald Trump, Tim Tebow, the fat kid from "Stand by Me," and Mayor McCheese. Your sudden surge confirms the prediction that "in the future everyone will be the Republican front-runner for fifteen minutes," made by the late pop artist Andy Warhol, who was briefly the Republican front-runner in August.

Your popularity may be short-lived however, as the Romney campaign has unleashed a $30 million negative ad campaign alleging that you are out-of-touch with the American people, mentally unstable, and that your personal hygiene is shoddy at best.