Saturday, August 8, 2009

Crazy Guy at Bus Stop Accuses Sarah Palin of Stealing His Act

NEW YORK- In a Facebook posting on Friday, Alaskan housewife Sarah Palin called President Obama's healthcare plan "downright evil," warning that it will create a "death panel" to murder Down Syndrome babies and senior citizens. Bob Schmidt, who resides outside the New York Port Authority Bus Terminal immediately took offense. "I'm the crazy guy at the bus stop, okay? It's my job to rant about government death squads. If a former vice-presidential candidate uses that kind of rhetoric, how am I supposed to top that? Foam at the mouth and bark like a dog?"

Schmidt accuses Palin of repeatedly plagiarizing his work. In her gubernatorial farewell address, Palin spoke of "such extreme summertime about a hundred and fifty degrees hotter than just some months ago, than just some months from now, with fireweed blooming along the frost heaves and merciless rivers." Schmidt claims these words were lifted directly from a 2005 speech he delivered to no one in particular while urinating on himself on the F train.

Palin is not the only one Schmidt accuses of stealing his words. "For years I've been standing on street corners screaming 'the president is a Nazi.' Now people burst into town hall meetings yelling that, and I don't even get royalties. Even Rush Limbaugh is stealing from me." Schmidt refers to Limbaugh's August 6 radio show, in which he most recently likened Obama to Hitler.

Schmidt believes people have been stealing his brain waves ever since he lost his health insurance and had to stop taking his medication. In spite of an aluminum foil hat he designed to protect against such "psychic eavesdropping," he suspects Palin and other Republicans of using microwaves to read his thoughts. Palin declined to comment, opting instead to foam at the mouth and bark like a dog.

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