Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Michael Jackson Murdered, News Media Rejoice

Minutes after the Los Angeles County Coroner ruled Michael Jackson's death a homicide, CNN released a personal message to the pop star's loved ones. "To the family, friends, and fans of Michael Jackson," Soledad O'Brian announced, "we just want to say, this couldn't have come at a better time."

For weeks, news producers and reporters have been facing the grim spectre of eventually having to get into details of healthcare reform, or Afghanistan, or new revelations of CIA prisoner abuse, but the news that the King of Pop's death was a murder knocks all those stories off the radar.

"I'm so relieved," says Fox News reporter Rich Reichmuth. "I was sure they'd send me to Iran to cover the trial of arrested reformists." Instead Reichmuth is headed to L.A., to spend the next few weeks, months, or years investigating "how Jackson was killed, and what Obama's motive was."

News organizations aren't the only ones benefiting from the coroner's ruling. Joe Jackson is reportedly in talks with Hasbro to release a "Michael Jackson Edition" of the board game, Clue. Early reports on the game suggest that the killer may be Dr. Orange, in the bathroom, with the pills.

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