Forged Birth Certificate Proves Obama Never Born At All

Forty-eight years ago today, President Barack Obama was born at the Kapi'olani Medical Center in Honolulu— at least that's what his birth certificate claims. Based on the overwhelming evidence of "a gut feeling," a growing group of Americans believe the birth certificate is fake, that Obama actually was born in Kenya, is not an American citizen, and therefore cannot legally be president.

Never in history has it occurred to anyone to deny the citizenship of the president, not even a president with a ridiculously foreign-sounding name like Martin Van Buren, but there is some undefinable quality that makes Obama seem somehow… different from the forty-three presidents who preceded him.

"This isn't about race." explains Irwin Kram of the American Truth Foundation, "However, Obama is black, and most Kenyans are black. It does seem like a pretty big coincidence, doesn't it?"

Obama displays other suspiciously un-American qualities, like being thin, and engaging in reasoned discourse. It is also alleged that he weighs the same as a duck.

This week, the birthers gained their first piece of hard evidence, as Orly Taitz, a California lawyer/dentist/real estate agent who is leading a class action lawsuit against the president, published a Kenyan birth certificate, showing that Obama was born in Mombasa. The document immediately was proven to be a forgery, but the existence of two allegedly fake birth certificates now calls into question whether Obama was ever really born at all.

"Years from now, we'll probably look back at the mere existence of Obama as one of the great historical myths," says Kram, "like George Washington chopping down the cherry tree, or the Holocaust." In the meantime, Taitz is seeking a court injunction to prevent Obama from being served his birthday cake.

If it can be proven that Obama was either never born, or simply not born in America, he will have to yield the presidency to John McCain, who in turn will have to step down because he himself was born in Panama while his father was stationed overseas with the Navy. At that point, Sarah Palin will become president. Pundits believe that it was in preparation for this eventuality that she recently resigned as governor of Alaska.

Dr. Saul Kruggerrand contributed to this report.