Monday, June 22, 2009

Steve Jobs Receives iLiver

CUPERTINO, CA- News broke this weekend that Apple CEO, Steve Jobs, received a liver transplant in April. His new "iLiver" is sleek, white, and holds over 80 GB of bile. There is already a ten month waiting list for the new device, however it is reported that the super-rich can bypass the list to get hold of the trendy new organ right away.

Opponents of healthcare reform are citing Jobs's transplant as proof that an overhaul of the American medical system would be a grave error. "Our country has the greatest healthcare in the world for the super-rich," says Mitchell Willburn of the American Truth Foundation. "But if big government starts meddling with it, pretty soon our super-rich won't get any better treatment than the super-rich of Canada or France."

Willburn even warns of a "nightmare scenario," where the quality of care the super-rich receive declines to the level of care that uninsured Americans currently get. If this were to happen, we might even lose our super-rich to more plutocrat-friendly nations, a misfortune that would hit the uninsured the hardest. "Millions of American paparazzi would lose their jobs," Willburn says, "and the working poor would be stuck watching shows like The Real Housewives of Macau for their escapist entertainment. That would be a dark fate indeed."

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