Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Scaled Down Jobs Bill Will Employ 1 American

WASHINGTON, DC- The Senate is expected to pass a jobs bill today. To gain enough support to break the Republican filibuster, Democrats had to eliminate anything that might be controversial to anyone, resulting in a significantly pared down initiative, but one that Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) is hailing as a major step forward. "This bill takes us in the right direction by creating decent, good-paying jobs for Ernie Lawlor, a local handyman," Reid told press.

Under the bill's provisions, Lawlor will be called upon to deal with "a number of things that need fixing" around the Capitol building. "The American people believe their government is broken," Reid went on to say. "We may not be able to fix that, but we can definitely do something about that step everyone keeps tripping over coming into the Senate chamber. And I think we could all use some additional shelving."

Reid admits that the bill is just the first step toward addressing the nation's unemployment crisis, but promises that more legislation will follow. "If we can pass just 21 million more bills like this," he said, "we'll have the problem taken care of."

Having successfully broken the filibuster this time, Democrats may try a similar approach with health reform, trimming the current bill back to something that just pays for Lawlor to have that thing removed from his neck.

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