Wednesday, September 9, 2009

White House Denies Claim, 'Republicans are A--holes'

WASHINGTON, DC - Following a month of pressure from Glenn Beck, President Obama has accepted the resignation of his special environmental advisor, Van Jones. Jones sparked controversy by publicly stating that "Republicans are assholes."

The White House was careful to distance itself from Jones's statement. "The president does not share Jones's view," Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced. "While it is true that the vast majority of Republicans are assholes, the president is aware that a number of Republicans are not," adding, "possibly as many as several."

An aide to Jones confided that the former "green jobs czar" stands by his remark, citing as recent examples of Republican assholiness, Rush Limbaugh's self-congratulatory celebration of Kennedy's death, the claims of Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) that President Obama plans to put the nation's youth into forced labor camps, and an ongoing Republican campaign to deny Americans healthcare. The aide also remarked on Glenn Beck in particular, saying "If someone calls you an asshole, and you spend an entire month trying to get him fired over it, chances are he was right."

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