Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Glenn Beck Fires Entire White House Staff

WASHINGTON, DC- The Obama administration suffered another setback this week, as Glenn Beck fired the entire staff of the White House. The move was the latest in a series of attacks on members of the president’s team.

Beck first ran a month-long campaign against environmental advisor, Van Jones, labeling him as a “socialist revolutionary.” Jones then resigned. Beck next attacked NEA communications director, Yosi Sergant, accusing him of promoting “Nazi-style propaganda.” Sergant was responsible for the Obama campaign's poster publicity, helping to make the iconic red and blue "HOPE" image ubiquitous in the months leading up to the election. Following Beck's attack, he was demoted.

Yesterday the Fox News commentator took a more drastic step, issuing pink slips to everyone working in the White House, on the grounds of “being a bunch of socialist Nazis.” The sweeping layoffs eliminated the entire administration, from cabinet level to janitorial positions.

"I didn't even know [Glenn Beck] could do that," says a shocked former Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel. "Apparently there's an obscure clause in the Constitution that grants Fox News personalities ultimate authority over the executive branch," adding, "at least that's what he claims. Somebody should probably look it up, but it's not my job anymore."

In a statement issued to the press corps while mowing the White House lawn, Pres. Obama expressed confidence that he could reach a compromise with Beck that would allow the White House to retain half its staff. "I'm going to be a tough negotiator on this," the president vowed, "I'm intent on keeping at least a third of my team intact. It might end up being more like a quarter, or maybe an eighth, but that's as low as I'll go." He added, "maybe one sixteenth, but that's it."

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