Tea Party Candidate Wins Foursquare Mayor's Race

NEW YORK- In another humiliating defeat for Democrats, the Tea Party-backed Laura L. unseated incumbent Mark P. as the "mayor" of Pronto Pizza on Foursquare, the popular social-networking app.

"The patrons of Pronto Pizza have spoken," Laura announced in her victory statement, as she promised to "reverse the radical agenda of Mark P."

In his concession speech, Mark denied that this was a referendum on his leadership. "Laura L. didn't get elected," he argued. "She just checked in more than I did. That's how Foursquare works."

Laura's mayoral bid was the costliest in Foursquare history, with anonymous sources spending over $7 million on campaign ads. "I don't know why they ran ads," Mark said. "I really don't think they understand what Foursquare is."

Laura has promised to "run Pronto Pizza like a business," and to issue an executive order requiring Mark to return all the pizza he has purchased over the last two years.