Saturday, May 2, 2009

Entire Town Destroyed by Irony

LUCKYVILLE, NY- Just weeks after voting to change the town name, the community formerly known as Dumfolk was wiped off the map by a tragic and lethal dose of irony. Despite warnings from the National Literary Service that a deadly irony front was on the way, Mayor Tom Hero decided not to evacuate the town. "You never know how seriously to take these warnings," he explains.

Hero began taking the threat seriously on Monday, when the fire station caught fire during their annual barbecue. Fortunately, the entire fire department was on hand with their hoses. Unfortunately, the artictecturally significant fire station was built entirely from sodium metal, which explodes in water. The resulting blast destroyed multiple nearby homes.

Luckyville residents sought haven in a former bomb shelter under City Hall. Unfortunately, the since the end of the Cold War, the bomb shelter had become a storage area for municipal dynamite, which soon detonated. Survivors claimed the detonation occurred when Alice Butz, chairperson of the Luckyville Commission to Stop Smoking, inadvertently tossed her cigarette into the dynamite.

At this point, Hero decided an evacuation was necessary, and loaded the entire surviving Luckyville population onto two ferries to take them across Lake Peril to the neighboring town of Safety. "Now I saw the last Batman movie," Hero explains, "and I was mindful that a crazy person might have filled the ferries with explosives, so I had both ferries loaded with bomb sniffing dogs." As it turns out, the dogs were rabid and devoured all of the passengers when they were halfway to Safety.

Hero was Luckyville's sole survivor. Unfortunately, while being interviewed by this reporter, he became aware of a bee in the room. Deathly allergic to bee stings, Hero flailed wildly and accidentally flung himself out the window of our twenty-sixth story office. Fortunately, he landed safely in the back of an industrial pillow truck that happened to be passing beneath. He was taken to the hospital, where he suffered a fatal bee sting before being randomly shot.

No comments:

Post a Comment