Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Conservatives Attack Obama Nominee

WASHINGTON DC- Yesterday, President Obama announced Sonia Sotomayor as his Supreme Court nominee. In an effort to stay ahead of the news cycle, the conservative think tank, the American Truth Foundation issued a statement condemning Obama's choice a full twelve hours before the choice was made.

"With the selection of [fill in name here]," said spokespoerson, Mitchell Willburn, "Obama has chosen a judicial activist who believes he/she can use the bench to inflict his/her radical agenda on the nation." The statement went on to attack the nominee's prior rulings. "In the case of [insert case], this nominee showed a blatant liberal bias on the issue of [gun control/gay marriage/evolution/the world being round/TBD]."

Many Obama supporters have been swayed by the Foundation's argument. "I voted for Obama," says Mark Water of Ohio, "but when I learned that whoever he ends up picking has a clear record of supporting mandatory abortions for all women, forced same-sex marriage, and/or Satanic ritual sacrifice, I felt completely betrayed. I just hope he changes his mind and ends up picking someone else."

In an interview prior to the nominee announcement, Willburn asserted that it would make no difference if the president did chose someone else,  the Foundation's accusations would apply to whoever the nominee would be. "Given the dangerous extremism of anyone he ends up picking, the only responsible thing he can do is to just pick no one." 

Prior to being labeled as a radical, Sotomayor, the actual nominee as of yesterday, was nominated to US District Court by the first President Bush. She is recognized as "the judge who saved baseball," for her ruling in the 1994 baseball strike. She was reportedly horrified to discover that she is in fact a liberal judicial activist, and is considering withdrawing her nomination.

No comments:

Post a Comment