In Uncertain Market, Safest Investment is Cookies

NEW YORK- An unbiased, nonpartisan economic focus group, funded by the This Chick Bakes cookie company, concluded this week that the only safe place to invest your money is in the cookie jar. "With stocks in flux, and interest rates at a record low," explains economist, Melvin Stein, "the only sensible investment is in nondurable baked goods, specifically those made by This Chick Bakes."

While Keebler has had to lay off over forty elves, and Pepperidge may be close to selling the farm, This Chick Bakes has been enjoying record sales, making it the most stable purveyor of the tasty treats economists are increasingly urging investors to buy up.

"Me love cookies," proclaims Cookie Monster, a senior fellow at the Brookings Institute, adding "me not love short-term bond prices."

In full disclosure, we must note that This Chick Bakes is the sole corporate underwriter of the National Inquisition, but this has in no way influenced the impartiality of this article. Our journalistic integrity remains as pure as the 100% natural, wholesome ingredients that go into every This Chick Bakes cookie.