NPR Exec Commits Crime of Independent Thought

editorial by Irwin Kram, Senior Fellow at the Factual American Research Trust (FART)

This week an NPR executive was secretly filmed expressing his private, personal opinion that Tea Party members are racist. Naturally, NPR's chief executive needed to resign by the end of the week, as holding such an opinion runs counter to the fundamental responsibility of journalism, which is to make the Tea Party look awesome.

Teabaggers are not racists. They are a cross section of America, from a wide variety of Christian faiths, whose skin-color spans every possible shade of white. They are motivated not by bigotry, but a profound love for this country and the understandable desire to lynch a black president.

But this is not about the Tea Party. It's about journalism. It is simply a crime for a member of a news organization to have an independent thought about a story-- unless the story is NPR, such as when Fox News Chief Roger Ailes called NPR executives Nazis. Of course this was not so much an opinion as a statement of fact. We all know there is a very fine line between launching a war for total world domination and issuing a commemorative tote bag.

A true journalist must be a mindless automaton, merely regurgitating the talking points of either side. This is why the Inquisition has replaced most of its human staff with an army of robots. The new News Director is pictured below. I have been assured that he has spinning razor blades for hands not for any nefarious purpose, but just to facilitate the editorial process.