Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Sarah Palin Declares Bible Supreme Law of the Land

WASILLA, AK- In an interview with Bill O'Reilly last week, Sarah Palin stated that all American law should be based on the Bible. Although the founding fathers were a religiously diverse group that included agnostics, Deists, Unitarians, and Quakers, she insisted that their intention was that all US law be based on biblical doctrine.

Never one to be guilty of hypocrisy, the former governor immediately discarding her wool blend suits because it is an abomination to wear clothes of two fabrics (Leviticus 19:19). Palin then secluded herself outside the community because she was having her period and was ritually unclean (Leviticus 15:19). She intends to remain in seclusion for seven days, when she will present two young pigeons for her priest to burn on the altar to atone for the uncleanness of her discharge (Leviticus 15:30).

In the meantime, Palin is calling for the stoning death of everyone guilty of sexual immorality. Her daughter, Bristol, who gave birth to a child out of wedlock, has said that if the Bible demands it, she is willing to get stoned.

1 comment:

  1. Reparations schmeparations - she is *dead set* on bringing back slavery.

    But it's going to be okay (at least for the Israelite ones) since Leviticus 25:44-66 clearly states "You shall not rule over them ruthlessly."