Thursday, December 3, 2009

School Paper Refuses to Cover Tiger Woods

SPRINGFIELD, MA- With the Tiger Woods scandal in full bloom, every paper in the country is devoting front page coverage to it-- every paper that is, except one. The Fillmore Flyer, a student publication of Millard Fillmore High School, has adopted a controversial editorial policy of devoting no ink to the golf superstar and his peccadilloes. "Between the upcoming winter formal and the cafeteria stink bomb incident, it just seems like we've got more important news to cover," says senior, Ricky Blovtiz, Flyer editor-in-chief.

"The Flyer is just copping out," says New York Post editor, Col Allan. "This week the president committed 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, the Senate is debating historic healthcare reform, and New York killed gay marriage, but we never let Tiger get bumped as lead story."

The New York Times, Washington Post, and Chicago Tribune also found front page space for articles and pictures related to the scandal. Even the National Inquisition is running a gratuitous image of Woods' wife in a bikini.

Fillmore principal, Ted Herschel has apologized on behalf of the school paper. "These are just kids," he explains. "We can only hope that when they grow up, they'll have a better understanding of what's truly important."

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