Patients Wait Only 55 Years for Doctor Under Senate Plan

WASHINGTON, DC- Details of the health care compromise between Senate Democrats are still scarce, but reports suggest that reformers have traded the prospect of a public option for a "Medicare buy-in," that would allow uninsured people as young as 55 to obtain coverage through the popular seniors' program. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) has described this plan as "better than the public option."

"The Medicare buy-in will offer affordable, reliable health care to every American," a spokesperson for the 70-year-old senator explains, "provided that they wait until they are 55 to get sick."

So far, health reform supporters are enthusiastic about the deal. "As soon as I heard, I made an appointment for my son to see a pediatrician in 2061," says Janice Larker, whose 4-year-old is among America's 9 million uninsured children.

Newlyweds Cara and Michael Tennison are also pleased. "We're eager to start a family in just 31 years," Cara beams, adding "and in only six years, my mother can get that lump checked out."

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) already has expressed opposition to the plan, warning that while Republicans are eager to hash out a deal that is truly bipartisan, they will not support any health care legislation that increases the deficit, reduces the deficit, or leaves the deficit unchanged.