Thursday, July 23, 2009

Healthcare Fears Remain After Obama Press Conference

In a prime time press conference, President Obama made his case for healthcare reform, but across the nation, doubts remain. "Government needs to stay out of healthcare," says Merta Boyle of Ohio. "What treatment is best for me is a private decision that only my insurance company can make for me."

"We don't want socialized healthcare like France," says Burt Sanchez of Tennessee, referring to the infamous
gaullist system, in which women who smoke, drink, and eat butter all day are allowed to live to 120.

"I don't like the price tag," says Ogden Chang of Florida. "If we're going to spend a trillion dollars, it better be on something worthwhile, like invading and occupying a country for six years, or propping up a bank."

"Obama keeps saying our current system is too costly, but it doesn't really cost anything," says VitaWell Insurance CEO, Milton Winchell. "We cancel our policies as soon as someone get sick, so we never pay a dime," adding "I mean, hello? It's called health insurance not sick insurance."

"Obama's plan is going to hurt small businesses like mine," says David Wiener, president of Wiener and Associates. "As a boss, I'm a real d--k. The only reason my employees don't quit is they're afraid of losing their health insurance. If people can just go out and buy into a public plan, how are we going to keep them locked in dead end jobs for the rest of their lives?"

"I think the Obama plan is just plain scary," says Irving Plank of Nebraska. "I saw this add with spooky music, and this guy with a deep voice said 'the Obama healthcare plan,' and then he yelled 'Boo!' I just about s--t myself."

"I don't think [Obama] was honest about the sacrifices he wants us to make," says Beth Wart of Indiana. "I mean actual sacrifices. I saw on Fox News, Obama's plan requires us to sacrifice our children to the demon Molech. That's the part nobody wants to talk about."

In his statement, the president insisted that he will sign healthcare reform into law by the end of the year, but clearly there are a lot of people who have yet to be won over.

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