Health Insurers to Take Over Auto Industry

While the auto industry is struggling, the health insurance industry made a record $30 billion profit last year. The trade organization, America's Health Plans has proposed that the insurance industry take over the entire auto industry. The proposed plan would abolish the current, socialist system where people buy whatever cars they want, in favor of a freer, more democratic system in which people are automatically assigned a car based on where they work. Under the new plan, if you lose your job, you lose your car.

The price of a new Ford Taurus would be different for every American, based on their anticipated driving habits, and would increase substantially each year. While consumers would pay for their cars in full, they would be granted the privilege of driving them only if the automaker deemed it automotively necessary, and only if they could prove they were driving somewhere they'd never been before. A trip to grandma's house or the grocery store would be off limits, as those most likely would classify as "pre-existing locations."

Automakers would reserve the right to rescind their cars at any time, without refunding payment, if they determined a driver to be a "high risk." High risk drivers might include New York taxi-drivers, anyone who has ridden in a taxi, and anyone who has watched the show, Taxi.

With millions of Americans buying cars and few of them ever actually getting one, the plan would both dramatically boost automaker profits and substantially reduce car accidents. This would be good, because 37,261 Americans died in car accidents last year, which is almost as many as the estimated 45,000 who died because they lacked health insurance.