Saturday, March 20, 2010

Glenn Beck Hates Jesus, Expert Says

NEW YORK- Weeks after urging Christians to abandon their churches if they talked about social justice, religion expert Glenn Beck is calling the House of Representatives' Sunday vote on health reform "an affront to God," because it breaks the Christian sabbath.

"Glenn Beck must really hate Jesus," says the Rev. Juan Kook. "He was always doing crap like giving people health care on the sabbath and talking about social justice."

Beck was joined on his radio show by Rep. Steve King (R-IA), who complained that health reform supporters are trying to "take away the liberty that we have right from God."

According to conservative theologian, Irwin Kram, the God-given liberty King refers to is the freedom to be exploited by insurance companies. According to the book of Genesis, the Lord removed Adam's rib to create Eve. Adam had to pay out-of-pocket for the procedure. For forty days and forty nights he attempted get reimbursed, only to be told that because the operation was performed by God, an out-of-network provider, it was not covered. When he complained, his insurer doubled his premium and evicted him from the Garden of Eden.

Sunday's vote is expected to be extremely close, and activists on both sides are urging everyone to weigh in by taking five minutes to phone the US Capitol at (202) 224-3121, ask for their congressperson's office, and voice their opinion. "Every voice counts, even on the very day of the vote," says Kram. "If this bill passes, we may lose our God-given right to get screwed-over forever, and we cannot let that happen. Please phone now."

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