No More TAG for Tiger?

by Chris Pearson & Allan Piper

On Friday, TAG Heuer announced it will drop Tiger Woods from the ad campaign for its watches. The Swiss company hopes instead to make him the spokesperson for their new line, TAG Everything That Moves.

NASA Digitally Enhances Moon Landing for 40th Anniversary

WASHINGTON DC- This week commemorates the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. While images of the historic event have been seen the world over, these all come from foggy, low quality video copies of the original high-resolution footage, which somehow disappeared shortly after the mission. Last week, NASA engineer Dick Nafzger announced that the space agency probably taped over the original footage— an act that may forever change the way we use the phrase "he's no rocket scientist."

To make up for this error, NASA has hired a Hollywood special effects company to digitally enhance the existing footage. Click here for more on this story.

George Lucas has offered to help the restoration effort, which will be paid for through product placement. "The special effects in the original footage are impressive for their time," says Lucas, "but today we have the opportunity to do so much more."

The Star Wars creator has proposed adding a perilous flight through a meteor field, which could be spun off into a video game. He's also hoping to provide comic relief by giving Neil Armstrong a zany, jive-talking alien sidekick.

NASA officials have apologized for erasing the original footage, and promise that if and when we develop the technology to return to the moon, "we will carefully label the tapes and not just leave them in the VCR."

Chris Pearson contributed to this report.

Super-Villain Gives Dating Advice (video)

by Chris Pearson & Allan Piper

The Infamous Professor Fear is best known for his repeated attempts at world domination. Lately however, he has been working on a different sort of project. Instead of releasing a horde of robot monsters to take over the city, as he so often does, this week he released a new dating-guide.

Many consumers may be reluctant to trust Prof. Fear after trying his patented facial cream, which instantly melts away wrinkles (along with all other flesh), or his anti-gravity weight-loss pills, which do not result in the loss of any fat, but have caused thousands of obese people to weightlessly drift off into the atmosphere. However, the caped criminal claims this new book is absolutely not part of an insidious plot to conquer the world. Jennifer Houston has this report.

Super-Villain Gives Dating Advice - watch more funny videos

Joe Smith of IPR contributed to this story. Artwork by Christie Allan-Piper. Support this video at Funny or Die!

Roommate from Hell (video)

by Chris Pearson & Allan Piper

LOS ANGELES- In an ever worsening economy, more Americans are having to adopt unconventional living situations just to keep a roof over their heads. Eric Sharpe and Dave Stahler have been roommates for three years. Describing themselves respectively as a "neat freak" and "a slob," they often have felt like their two-bedroom, North Hollywood apartment wasn't big enough for the both of them. Nevertheless, when Dave recently lost his job and Eric suffered a pay cut, they decided to take on a third roommate.

"It's not an ideal situation," Eric admits. "We've had to give up a lot of space."

"Also," adds Dave, "our roommate is a demon who devours human souls, is trying to bring about the apocalypse, and really hogs the bathroom."

Tod von Unschuldigen (German for "death of the innocents") is a torment administrator from the Eighth Circle of Hell, who happened to be looking for a new apartment when Dave inadvertently summoned him in an attempt to get out of doing household chores. Tod had never considered moving to North Hollywood, because he regarded it as "too far from Hell, and not as nice a neighborhood," but when he learned that these two humans were seeking a roommate, things fell into place.

"Hell rents have gotten ridiculous," Tod explains. "And with all the real estate agents who end up down there, you always have to pay a broker's fee."

Living in such tight quarters requires a lot of compromise. "Unfortunately," Eric laments, "not everybody in this house understands human standards of decency."

"It's true," Tod confirms. "Dave has no sense of boundaries. I had a bag of hornets I'd been saving, and Dave just went and ate the whole thing."

"Hey, if you don't write your name on it, it's fair game," Dave counters. "Anyway, they were gross."

Given such a difference of cultural backgrounds, some clashes are inevitable, but the roommates are doing their best to get along. "I'm an active member of a conservative church," Eric relates, "so a lot of people assume I'd have a problem living with the Prince of Lies."

"The Prince of Lies is my uncle," Tod corrects. "I'm just the Viscount of Misleading Statements."

"Anyway," Eric continues, "it turns out we have very similar moral values. We volunteered for McCain together. We both voted for Prop. 8. And while I'm not crazy about the fact that he slays virgins in his room and sets fire to their bodies on an altar of human skulls, as long as he pays his rent on time, it's really none of my business."

All three roommates hope to save enough to eventually get places of their own. In the meantime, Tod is grateful for the hospitality his human roommates have shown him. "I'm a stranger in the human realm," Tod says, "but now that I live here, they've really made me feel like I belong in their world. I hope before long I'll be able to do the same for them."

Click here to see a short documentary about the three roommates.

Inside Look at Annual Serial Killer Convention (video)

LOS ANGELES- Each year, the United Association of Serial Killers, Spree Killers, and Mass Murderers convenes in secret to network, share advances in the art and science of killing, and meet like-minded enthusiasts. Posing as a serial killer, the Inquisition's Milo Underwood went undercover to get this exclusive, behind-the-scenes peek into this year's convention.

Support this video at Funny or Die!

Inquisition Reporter Vanishes

LOS ANGELES- Immediately after filing a ground-breaking story on the Annual Serial Killer Convention, Inquisition reporter, Milo Underwood mysteriously disappeared. "Underwood is one of our finest reporters," said Inquisition Editor-In-Chief, Allan Piper. "I wholeheartedly want to reassure his family that whatever may have happened to our dear friend and colleague, the National Inquisition bears no legal or financial responsibility." Piper went on to add, "this is really bad timing, as [Underwood] would have been my first choice to investigate the mangled-beyond-recognition body recently discovered in his hotel room."

Anyone with knowledge of Underwood's whereabouts is encouraged to post the information as a comment, or contact the Inquisition directly at editor@nationalinquisition.com.