Negative Ads for Everyday Goods (video)

The midterm elections set a record for spending on negative ads, with most of the money coming from anonymous outside sources. Although many of the ads proved to be false or misleading, they were largely successful. With the elections over, the political ad-makers are now turning their talents to ads for ordinary projects. See below.

Negative Ads for Everyday Goods - watch more funny videos

Jen Houston & Joe Smith contributed to this report.

Tea Party Candidate Wins Foursquare Mayor's Race

NEW YORK- In another humiliating defeat for Democrats, the Tea Party-backed Laura L. unseated incumbent Mark P. as the "mayor" of Pronto Pizza on Foursquare, the popular social-networking app.

"The patrons of Pronto Pizza have spoken," Laura announced in her victory statement, as she promised to "reverse the radical agenda of Mark P."

In his concession speech, Mark denied that this was a referendum on his leadership. "Laura L. didn't get elected," he argued. "She just checked in more than I did. That's how Foursquare works."

Laura's mayoral bid was the costliest in Foursquare history, with anonymous sources spending over $7 million on campaign ads. "I don't know why they ran ads," Mark said. "I really don't think they understand what Foursquare is."

Laura has promised to "run Pronto Pizza like a business," and to issue an executive order requiring Mark to return all the pizza he has purchased over the last two years.

Christine O'Donnell Still Not a Witch

DOVER, DE- Christine O'Donnell's "I Am Not a Witch Ad" appears to be paying off. A new poll shows that only one in five Delaware voters believe the teaparty-backed Senate candidate is a practitioner of the black arts who has covenanted herself to Satan in an ancient unholy ritual.

Meanwhile, O'Donnell's opponent, Chris Coons is suffering from falling poll numbers, due largely to his unpopular move of recently turning into a frog.

Campaign Finance Gets Outsourced

The 2010 midterm election is on track to become the most expensive election in US history, with nearly $200 million of campaign ads. Roughly 38% is being spent by the US Chamber of Commerce on ads attacking Democrats.

This week the Center for American Progress released a list of 80 foreign companies who have contributed a total of $885,000 to the Chamber, mostly from India and the Kingdom of Bahrain. Like so many of America's other jobs, it appears that campaign financing is getting outsourced.

Traditional campaign financiers are worried. Arlo Pert and his family have been in the political contribution business since his grandfather gave a dollar to Harry Truman in 1948. Now he's afraid he just can't compete. "Those Indian campaign financiers use child labor," Pert complains. "You know how much easier it is to stuff cash in someone's pocket with those tiny fingers?"

There are also concerns that foreign-funded ads may not be subject to the same quality control as American-bought ads. The Washington Post reported this week that many of the Chamber's ads have been recalled because they contained information that was simply false.

Not all of the Chamber's funding comes from India and Bahrain, of course. The Chamber has received $1 million from Fox News owner, Rupert Murdoch, who comes from Australia. This week the Chamber also received a $10,000 pledge from Glenn Beck, who is widely believed to be from the Moon.

US Economy Suffers Multiple Stab Wounds (video)

A live-action political cartoon, featuring Pat Dwyer, Jen Houston, and Allan Piper. Camera by Stephen Mosher.

Pundits Agree, God is Terrible Campaign Manager

In an interview this week, Delaware teabagger, Christine O'Donnell said God is guiding her Senate campaign.

This statement came on the heels of revelations that O'Donnell lied about where she went to college, is under investigation for tax evasion, and previously has vowed to stop Americans from having sex. In light of so much bad press, pundits agree that God is badly mismanaging her campaign.

It may be that God is taking on too much, as He also is managing the Senate campaign of Nevada's Sharron Angle. Since declaring that God was behind her, Angle has drawn fire for advocating the abolishment of the Department of Education, appearing to deny the existence of autism, and seeming to call for the assassination of her opponent.

These are not the first instances of God proving an ineffectual campaign manager. Sarah Palin has credited God as running her failed 2008 vice-presidential bid. He was also behind Pat Robertson's botched presidential run in 1988 and Jesus' 33 AD bid to become King of the Jews— a campaign run so badly that the candidate not only lost the election, but was nailed to a piece of wood.

Most pundits believe O'Donnell and Angle would do better to put their campaigns in the hands of a savvier manager, such as the Devil. However, Karl Rove claims he is retired from managing campaigns and is focusing all his energy on promoting his book.

Stop the Government Takeover of Congress!

Editorial by Irwin Kram

Senior Fellow at the Factual American Research Trust (FART)

Today, House Republicans announced a "Pledge to America," promising to protect us from "an out-of-touch government of self-appointed elites." While technically speaking, these elites were appointed by a majority of the US electorate, they pose a dire threat to our Constitutional liberties. Free elections only work if when the wrong people get elected, they aren't allowed to govern. But Democrats refuse to admit that the voters were wrong, and have insisted on trying to govern anyway.

The Left has become so radical, it believes it's the government's job to make, interpret, and enforce the law. Well we the people have had enough, which is why more than 67,000 of us have joined the teabagging movement. That's nearly 0.02% of the US population, and roughly 97% of political news coverage!

But despite the appeal of ex-witch, anti-masturbation activists, voters don't need to abandon traditional Republicans to protect their freedoms. Senate Republicans have not gotten enough credit for their heroic use of the filibuster. In the three years since Democrats took control of the Senate, Republicans have mounted more filibusters than in all the years of the previous decade combined. They have protected the federal courts from being taken over by federally appointed judges, blocking a record 57% of Pres. Obama's judicial nominees, and have successfully stopped over 420 bills!

With the filibuster now a default position, Republicans need only 41 votes to defeat the 59 Democrats. This week's attempted repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell lost with 56 votes for and only 43 against. That's not just a revolution in politics, it's a revolution in math! But of course the liberal media doesn't celebrate this as historically unprecedented. They just treat it as politics as usual.

In the past three months alone, Republican senators have filibustered tax cuts, jobs bills, unemployment, even FAA safety regulations (because if the founding fathers had wanted government to regulate air travel, they would have specifically said so). Congressional Republicans understand that the Constitution limits the role of government to regulating who can marry whom and where people can worship, and they're determined to make sure it does nothing else. Anything beyond that would be un-American.

Senate Candidate Accuses Dems of 'Idolatry'

LAS VEGAS- This week, Las Vegas Sun reporter Jon Ralston uncovered a radio interview with Sharron Angle, in which the Republican Senate candidate claimed that Pres. Obama's policies violate the Bible's First Commandment, and have changed America into "a country entrenched in idolatry."

Standing before a graven image of an American eagle, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs denied that the Obama administration is pushing an idolatrous agenda, explaining that the hill shrines currently under construction in honor of the goddess Ashtaroth are merely part of the president's plan to create jobs.

Angle is running against Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) on a platform of eliminating the Department of Education, reinstating the prohibition of alcohol, banning abortion and same-sex marriage, and withdrawing from the United Nations. If elected, she promises to uphold those parts of the Constitution that don't conflict with American values, and will stand firmly against the president's most recent stimulus proposal, which would require the Federal Reserve to fashion its gold into the likeness of a calf, unto which sacrificial offerings may be made.

For more on making the Bible the supreme law of the land, see the Inquisition article "US Law Should be Based on Bible, or Other Large Book"

GOP Defends Democracy from Voter Takeover

WASHINGTON, DC- Republican senators used the filibuster yesterday to protect America from the DISCLOSE Act, a law which would have required political ads to display what organization paid for them, and would have barred foreign companies from buying campaign ads in the US. With only 57 Democrats supporting the bill, it was defeated by a substantial majority of 41 Republicans.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell attacked the measure, calling it part of a vast Democrat conspiracy to shift electoral power into the hands of voters. "It would be un-American to stop companies like BP, Toyota, or Al Queda from surreptitiously bankrolling a campaign," the Kentucky senator argued. "If we take away the right of a foreign power to secretly influence an American election, what rights will be left?"