SAN FRANCISCO- After months of anticipation, Apple yesterday unveiled the device that is supposed to forever change the way we do everything: the iPad, a "magical and revolutionary" product that will allow users to listen to music, watch videos, run apps, surf the internet, and basically do everything they currently do on an iPod Touch, only on a device four times its size.
"But don't think for a moment this is just an oversized iPod," Steve Jobs explained. "This is a completely new technology. First, it's bigger. Secondly, it's larger. And third, it costs between $500-830."
Apple's CEO was quick to dispel rumors about the new product. "What this is absolutely not is an attempt to curry favor with a race of giants who will soon descend upon humanity and devour us. This is a device for normal sized people." He then added, "of course if you happen to be a twenty-foot tall hulking monstrosity with a taste for human flesh, this is a great way to carry around your entire music library and check email on the go, and it fits neatly in the pocket of any size 96 pair of pants."
Making his remarks from the foot of a beanstalk near Cupertino, Jobs announced that the iPad will be available by late March, and that he will accept payment in golden eggs.
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