To Reduce CO2, US Asks China to Hold Its Breath

COPENHAGEN- Secretary of State Hillary Clinton arrived at the UN Climate Change Conference this morning with a plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by over 233,000 tons a year. She is asking the entire population of China to hold its breath.

"I know it sounds tough," Clinton told the Chinese delegation, "but if you can all hold your nose and mouth for just five minutes everyday, you'll be cutting almost as much CO2 as Saint Lucia emits all year." The Secretary of State then added, "and since Saint Lucia's emissions are expected to drop to zero when it's completely underwater, we'd be looking at an overall annual reduction of over half a million tons by 2025."

Several delegates objected that the US should reduce its own emissions before asking other nations to stop breathing, but Clinton defended her proposal as more realistic. "Believe me," she explained, "it'll be easier to convince a billion Chinese to stop breathing than to get anything through Congress."