Tuesday, October 27, 2009

'Enough With the Vampires,' Werewolf Says

ROCKVILLE, MD- With the sudden popularity of the Twilight book and movie franchise, HBO's True Blood, and the CW's Vampire Diaries, Vampires are once again in vogue. Rick Goodhue, a data analyst and werewolf in suburban Maryland has had about enough of it. "I'm sick of women swooning over these pasty-faced blood-junkies," he says. "They may look twenty-something, but most of them are older than Hugh Hefner and John McCain put together. What kind of guy goes out with a girl three hundred years younger?"

Goodhue believes women seeking a supernatural soul mate would do better to date werewolves. "Contrary to stereotypes," he says, "in our human form we're no hairier than anybody else. In fact we're much better groomers than vampires because, hello, we can look in a mirror."

Werewolves have numerous dating advantages over vampires, such as being able to enjoy a nice dinner, or not bursting into flames in daylight, but somehow they seem to lack the erotic appeal of a moody four-hundred-year-old dead guy. Relationship advisor/hideous Frankenstein monster, Dr. Phil speculates that werewolves simply may not be exotic enough. "Most of the time they're just like everybody else," he explains. "The only difference between a human boyfriend and a werewolf boyfriend is that at a certain time of the month he turns into a ferocious beast who tries to kill you," adding, "There is no difference between a human girlfriend and a werewolf girlfriend."

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