Thursday, August 13, 2009

Senator Announces Divorce from Reality

DES MOINES- One day after declaring at a town hall meeting that the Democrat-backed healthcare reform plan does indeed contain provisions of "death panels," Iowa Republican Sen. Chuck Grassley announced that he and Reality will be ending their seventy-six year relationship due to "irreconcilable differences."

Those close to the senator report that his relationship with Reality has been rocky since his declaration last month that Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor lacked a basic understanding of "what the Supreme Court is." Others suggest that Grassley's spat with Reality may have begun as early as January, when he moved to freeze funding for the National Science Foundation for fear that the scientists would use the money to look at porn.

A Grassley aide explained that the separation from Reality will free the senator to warn the public of the true dangers of the healthcare reform plan, which threatens to put vital medical decisions in the hands of government beaurocrats, socialists, and known witches. Responding to claims from Reality that Grassley is a pathetic, semi-senile old man cynically preying on fear to score political points, the aide replied "Don't listen to her. That's just Reality talking."

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