Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Americans Still Prefer 'Sternly-Worded Letter' to Syra Strike

Despite last night's address, Americans remain skeptical of President Obama's call for action in Syria. An Inq poll shows only 31% of Americans support a military strike to stop Bashir al-Assad from systematically mass-murdering civilians with weapons so ghastly that the entire civilized world has classified their use as a crime against humanity. 38% of those polled instead prefer a "sternly-worded letter."

18% believe a clever Facebook status will dissuade Assad from bombarding Syrian families with the nerve-agent sarin, which causes convulsions, paralysis, neurological damage, and death within the first minute of contact. 7% support an international drum circle as the solution, while 6% say we should simply watch funny cat videos instead of looking at the images of blue-skinned Syrian toddlers spasming to death in puddles of their own poisoned vomit.

Republican leaders warn that if President Obama does resort to a sternly-worded letter, he must seek Congressional approval to authorize the use of "all-caps."


  1. First it must be proven who did this to the UN before any war should be started. We are not above the laws of other lands, that we should punish a country, possible injuring or killing innocent men, women, and children. YES, lets kill more people, because some organizing, (who we don't know yet) gassed these people. As I recall, no other country step in when we were fighting a civil war, would we really want one too? Let's get the facts right, before we start bulling other countries.

    1. Sorry, that is proven to the UN, who did this. Bad grammar, bad!!