Sunday, December 19, 2010

Post DADT, Soldiers May Be Too Fit, Organized

After yesterday's historic repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, military strategists are worried that the US Armed Forces may be overrun by fit, muscular, organized men, and strong, tough women who know how to get things done. "If science-fiction teaches us anything," warns Gen. Orson Dreedle, "it's that creating an army of superhumans always ends badly, and I've watched enough Bravo to know that's what gay people are."

A spokesperson for the Human Rights Campaign responded by reassuring the public that the media portrayal of gay people as physically fit, culturally superior beings with lots of money is just a stereotype, and that many homosexuals are just as sloppy, weak, and poor as straight people. "The danger that they will become a master-race of super-soldiers," the spokesperson said, "is largely exaggerated."

Although gay rights advocates claim that allowing homosexuals to serve in the military will not change the character of the armed forces, Pentagon officials are already debating replacing the military's traditional drab uniforms with something more colorful and gay-friendly. A prototype of the new design appears below.

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