Friday, February 5, 2010

Confused Conservative Attends Wrong 'Teabagger Convention'

NASHVILLE, TN- The first ever National Tea Party Convention is underway this weekend at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel, drawing massive crowds of over 600 people. More than 0.00002% of the American population has shown up to express its outrage with the current administration.

Unfortunately for conservative blogger, Peter Cockwright, that is not where he ended up. Despite having pre-paid the $549 admission fee to attend this grassroots, populist uprising, Cockwright accidentally spent the past two days at a teabagging party at Club Gaylord, an entirely unrelated Nasvhille establishment.

On Thursday night, while convention attendees were treated to former Colorado congressman, Tom Tancredo's speech on why we must return to Jim Crow era voting literacy tests to prevent Pres. Obama's re-election, Cockwright was across town, experiencing an entirely different opening night ceremony, which he posted about on his blog:

When I first walked in, it was everything I hoped for, a room filled with strong and healthy men, ready to fight for our liberties. To show my patriotism, I was dressed like a Revolutionary War soldier. I was pleased to see many other men dressed as iconic American heroes: cowboys, firefighters, Mae West, etc.

For the next several hours, I did have to undergo some certain… shall we say, hazing rituals that took me back to my old fraternity days. I think I even got hazed by Glenn Beck himself, although I'm not sure, 'cause I didn't get a good look at his face.

But the most important thing was that we were all of one spirit. When I cried out "the liberals and gays are taking over America," the entire room cheered, ready to face the threat together.

After two days of teabagging, Cockwright finally began to suspect he was in the wrong place this morning, when he learned that tonight's main activity would be naked Twister. "I have no problem with fun and games," Cockwright posted, "but I was promised a keynote address by Sarah Palin."

Now that he has figured out his mistake, Cockwright hopes to make it to the actual convention in time to hear the speech blue-collar heroine, Sarah Palin is being paid $100,000 to deliver, but he may be tight on time. "I really don't want to leave here until after today's 'Sausage Sandwich Party,'" he explains. "I love Sarah and all, but I never pass up a free meal."

1 comment:

  1. Dear Editor of the National imposition,

    I think you made up that story about Mr. Cockright going to the wrong meeting, because no true American would mistake a bunch of crazy people dressed up in costumes for one of our meetings. What kind of meeting would be like that anywhay? I bet it didn't happen!
    It's disgraceful that you make fun of the most important national rally since the Boston Tea Party.
    You said ther were only 0.00002 % of the American population ther and that's not true. I was ther and ther were lots and lots of people! Lots!
    Real Americans are fed up with being deprived of our rights, like prayers in school, guns and Christmas, and having government interfere with our medicare, when it should leave us aloneexcept for protecting our precious freedoms from illegals and god hating acorn loving death panel radical liberals and forced same sex marraiage.
    If your mother isn't ashamed of you, she should be. Shame, Mr. Editor, shame!


    Mrs. Gladice Kram