Friday, April 10, 2009

Real Cause of Recession Revealed to be Facebook

WASHINGTON- A study by the Center for Economic Analysis revealed this week that the real cause of the global economic crisis is not the collapse of sub-prime mortgages, but in fact Facebook. Since Facebook's public debut in 2006, American workplace productivity has fallen 100%. Literally nothing is getting done. According to a spokesperson from the U.S. Department of Labor, "Hold on. I've just got to tag some friends in this picture. I'm sorry, what was your question? Wait, I got a 'donut request'? What does that even mean?"

As more Americans struggle to balance the demands of updating their status, taking quizzes to find out what soft drink they are, and finally reconnecting with that weird kid in sixth grade that they never liked anyway, they're discovering that they simply do not have time for lesser things, like their actual jobs. Across all careers, even workers who find time to start a business-related task, like analyzing a spreadsheet, writing a news article, or removing a ruptured appendix, must frequently interrupt their work to notify their friends of the five 80's sitcoms that shaped their lives. Although they have every intention of quickly picking up their work where they left off,

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