Friday, March 18, 2011

Grown-Ups Protest Defunding of NPR

WASHINGTON, DC- Grown-ups are protesting this week after the House voted to cut all funds for NPR, a move that would leave sensible adults with no source for news.

"This is awful," complains Mike Nivin, a grown-up man with a real job. "The only morning news I'll be left with is Howard Stern, and his entire coverage of the financial crisis consisted of a banker lighting his farts."

Since cable news is unwatchable and local news is mostly anchors flirting uncomfortably and making baffling remarks about sex with animals, NPR is one of the last news sources for reasonable adults.

"What else is there?" asks Marcia Davis, an intelligent woman who could give a f*ck what Charlie Sheen is doing. "I mean, there's
The New York Times, but print media's only going to be around for what? Another six weeks max."

The House vote followed the release of a secretly-filmed and heavily re-edited tape showing an
NPR executive making disparaging remarks about the Tea Party. "Boy, that little tape sure did a number on us," said senior NPR correspondent Carl Kasell in a secretly recorded statement that was re-edited to say "I diddle little boys."

Without NPR, many serious-minded adults may be reduced to getting their news from sources with little or no journalistic credibility, such as infomercials, fortune cookies, and the
National Inquisition.

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