WASHINGTON, DC - Confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan begin today. Republicans already have expressed outrage that in the 46,500 pages of documents Kagan has provided the Senate Judiciary Committee, she has failed to provide any evidence that she is a judicial activist, a socialist, a child molester, or a witch. "It's all very suspicious," says Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL). "You have to wonder what she's hiding."
"I'm not saying she's got a basement full of severed human heads," says Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), "but the fact that she's refused to show any proof that she does is deeply troubling." Republicans warn that if Kagan does not voluntarily proffer reasonable grounds to filibuster her nomination, they will have no choice but to filibuster her nomination.