WASHINGTON, DC- Within minutes of the House passing historic health reform, death panels marched through Washington, killing babies, grandmothers, and American liberty. "Everything the Republicans said was true," screamed a shocked House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). "They sounded so crazy, but they were right."
President Obama hailed the bill's passage as "not a victory for any one party, but a victory for me, and other secretly gay Muslim Kenyans plotting to destroy the US."
As the socialist Nazi death squads stormed the streets, our founding fathers were seen rising from their graves in outrage. "We built this nation on the core principle that no American should ever have affordable health care," cried a zombie George Washington as he devoured the brains of an innocent passer-by. "Now you've ruined everything."